Remy Porter

Remy is a veteran developer who now operates his own consultancy. As the President of JetpackShark, he leads technology workshops across the North East, training developers to adopt new technologies and find their own best practices.

He's often on stage, doing improv comedy, but insists that he isn't doing comedy- it's deadly serious. You're laughing at him, not with him. That, by the way, is usually true- you're laughing at him, not with him.

Tern Back

by in Representative Line on

In the process of resolving a ticket, Pedro C found this representative line, which has nothing to do with the bug he was fixing, but was just something he couldn’t leave un-fixed:

$categories = (isset($categoryMap[$product['department']]) ?
                            (isset($categoryMap[$product['department']][$product['classification']])
                                        ?
                                    $categoryMap[$product['department']][$product['classification']]
                                        : NULL) : NULL);

Dictionary Definition

by in CodeSOD on

Guy’s eight-person team does a bunch of computer vision (CV) stuff. Guy is the “framework Guy”: he doesn’t handle the CV stuff so much as provide an application framework to make the CV folks lives easy. It’s a solid division of labor, with one notable exception: Richard.

Richard is a Computer Vision Researcher, head of the CV team. Guy is a mere “code monkey”, in Richard’s terms. Thus, everything Richard does is correct, and everything Guy does is “cute” and “a nice attempt”. That’s why, for example, Richard needed to take a method called readFile() and turn it into readFileHandle(), “for clarity”.


Warp Me To Halifax

by in CodeSOD on

Greenwich must think they’re so smart, being on the prime meridian. Starting in the 1840s, the observatory was the international standard for time (and thus vital for navigation). And even when the world switched to UTC, GMT is only different from that by 0.9s. If you want to convert times between time zones, you do it by comparing against UTC, and you know what?

I’m sick of it. Boy, I wish somebody would take them down a notch. Why is a tiny little strip of London so darn important?


JavaScript Centipede

by in CodeSOD on

Starting with the film Saw, in 2004, the “torture porn” genre started to seep into the horror market. Very quickly, filmmakers in that genre learned that they could abandon plot, tension, and common sense, so long as they produced the most disgusting concepts they could think of. The game of one-downsmanship arguably reached its nadir with the conclusion of The Human Centipede trilogy. Yes, they made three of those movies.

This aside into film critique is because Greg found the case of a “JavaScript Centipede”: the refuse from one block of code becomes the input to the next block.


Legacy Hardware

by in Feature Articles on

Thanks to Hired, we’ve got the opportunity to bring you another little special project- Legacy Hardware. Hold on tight for a noir-thriller that dares to ask the question: “why does everything in our organization need to talk to an ancient mainframe?” Also, it’s important to note, Larry Ellison really does have a secret lair on a volcanic island in Hawaii.


Encreption

by in CodeSOD on

You may remember “Harry Peckhard’s ALM” suite from a bit back, but did you know that Harry Peckhard makes lots of other software packages and hardware systems? For example, the Harry Peckhard enterprise division releases an “Intelligent Management Center” (IMC).

How intelligent? Well, Sam N had a co-worker that wanted to use a very long password, like “correct horse battery staple”, but but Harry’s IMC didn’t like long passwords. While diagnosing, Sam found some JavaScript in the IMC’s web interface that provides some of the stongest encreption possible.


2017: Nature, In Its Volatility

by in Best of… on
Happy New Year! Put that hangover on hold, as we return to an entirely different kind of headache, back on the "Galapagos". -- Remy

About two years ago, we took a little trip to the Galapagos- a tiny, isolated island where processes and coding practices evolved… a bit differently. Calvin, as an invasive species, brought in new ways of doing things- like source control, automated builds, and continuous integration- and changed the landscape of the island forever.

Geospiza parvula

Or so it seemed, until the first hiccup. Shortly after putting all of the code into source control and automating the builds, the application started failing in production. Specifically, the web service calls out to a third party web service for a few operations, and those calls universally failed in production.


2017: The Second Factor

by in Best of… on
As this is a holiday week, per our usual tradition, we're revisiting some of the most popular articles from the year. We start with The Second Factor, a tale of security gone wrong. -- Remy

Famed placeholder company Initech is named for its hometown, Initown. Initech recruits heavily from their hometown school, the University of Initown. UoI, like most universities, is a hidebound and bureaucratic institution, but in Initown, that’s creating a problem. Initown has recently seen a minor boom in the tech sector, and now the School of Sciences is setting IT policy for the entire university.

Derek manages the Business School’s IT support team, and thus his days are spent hand-holding MBA students through how to copy files over to a thumb drive, and babysitting professors who want to fax an email to the department chair. He’s allowed to hire student workers, but cannot fire them. He’s allowed to purchase consumables like paper and toner, but has to beg permission for capital assets like mice and keyboards. He can set direction and provide input to software purchase decisions, but he also has to continue to support the DOS version of WordPerfect because one professor writes all their papers using it.


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